why you're sad, broke, and alone

My junior year of college, I was dating a girl that we'll call Penny.

Penny and I hit it off the first night that we met.

We had some awesome times together - she introduced me to a lot of new experiences and ideas.

I honestly thought that we were going to work out and that it was something special.

To my surprise, she got back into town from a music festival, came over, and broke up with me out of nowhere.

Devastated, I thought, "How could something that I saw working so perfectly end like this?"

To tell the truth, I was obsessed with her. I was always asking to hang out and saying nice things so I wouldn't lose her.

But those acts came from a place of insecurity and neediness.

You don't need to speak to get these points across. Insecurity and neediness can be felt by everyone within a mile radius.

My roommate told me that she could sense them in me. Boy, was I fuming at him.

I didn't realize until years later that he was right.

But how does that even work?

The Backwards Law

The Backwards Law is a concept that Alan Watts created that can be summed up as:

The more you try to grasp something, the more it will slip through your fingers.

Your desires will move further away from you the more that you want them.

Just like two magnets with the same polarity. It's like my story with Penny.

I thought that I was doing my best to keep a girlfriend. She sensed my neediness and moved further away from me.

My efforts to keep the love that was in my life created the opposite effect.

I wanted to feel loved so badly that I ended up with no love at all.

It's the same with many other psychological topics - confidence, happiness, abundance, love, etc.

By wanting to be confident, you remind yourself that you are not confident.

Wanting itself moves you further from what you want.

Implied lack

Wanting something implies that you lack that thing.

It doesn't matter if you already have that thing or not. Clinging to those desires for more and enough puts you in a state of lack.

Lack comes with survival emotions.

If you haven't had water in 2 days, your brain will go into tunnel vision looking for water.

The same thing happens when you imply lack on other subjects in your life.

Your longing for happiness has now put you in a fight or flight state. That's definitely not helping you be happy.

This is different from going online and looking at a pair of shoes and saying, "Wow, I want these so badly."

Most of the time, we just forget about them within a few hours to a day.

Happiness, money, and love are the three biggest areas where I see attachment causing problems.

So what do you do?

I know that it might seem a bit hard to see yourself out of this situation.

Maybe you're thinking, "so I can't want anything?"

That's not the case, but we'll get there in a sec.

Overall, it points back to accepting the true nature of reality.

Let us dive in.

Detach from desires

Having wants in life is completely normal - it's human.

Like thoughts, desires come and go.

It would be impossible to stop yourself from wanting completely.

The problem doesn't lie with the desire; it lies with the attachment to the desire.

Holding onto wanting doesn't do us any good. It simply takes up energy and mental bandwidth.

Just thinking about money will not get us money. Thinking about love will not get us love.

Chances are that you'll end up coming to the conclusion that you don't have enough money or that love isn't actually present in your life; i.e., The Backwards Law.

We can think about the lack of a resource for hours, but that doesn't change anything.

So you may as well let go. Speak your intentions and desires into the Universe, and simply let go.

Your mental energy is better off spent somewhere more productive.

Find peace in discomfort

I'm going to use happiness as an example for this point.

The more you want to be happy, the more time you spend thinking about how you are not actually happy.

What good is that actually doing you?

You want to move closer to happiness, but you've effectively accomplished the opposite.

The Backwards Law again.

This goes for most other things.

Instead, find stillness in the moment. Accept the fact that life comes with plenty of discomfort.

Sustained happiness doesn't come from situations where good things are happening.

It would be silly to base our emotions only on the ups and downs of life.

You discover deep-seeded happiness once you're willing to accept reality and life for what they are.

You realize that you are only able to control your internal states, your thoughts, and your actions.

Many yogis have spoken about how life is a cycle of suffering.

That doesn't mean that you need to let suffering take over.

By creating a strong mental fort, the inherent suffering that life brings won't feel like a hurricane anymore.

This also leads you towards the happiness you were longing for.

Let go

Once you've decided to accept life at face value, it'll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

When you have detached yourself from your desires, life becomes a sea of gratitude, whose waves wash you with appreciation for every little thing in life

It's also the best state for manifesting. You're able to call in more money, a lover, or whatever it is - all without being upset if it manifests or not.

This is only possible because you're able to state what you want and let it go into the Universe.

You're not holding on to those desires with every ounce of strength.

You've done your part, and now it's time for the Universe to do its part.

If it's meant to be, it'll find you. If it's not, that's okay, because there is better out there for you.

You now see the power and value of life's twists and turns, even though you can't see where they lead.

To let go is to have full trust. Full trust that the Universe will provide what you need.

Letting go requires that you have detached from desires and found peace in discomfort. Maybe you can do all three at once.

All I know is that if you're still longing and shaken by new challenges, letting go will not be an easy task.

Thank you so much for reading.

If you’re seeing this, I appreciate you.

Until next time, with love,

Noah