A Spiritual Take On Toxic Masculinity

When you search for "toxic masculinity" on Google, you're met with over 15 million results.

In fact, the first thing to pop up was from WebMD's, "Toxic Masculinity: How to Recognize and Treat It."

It's a buzz term that everyone and their mom have heard and use, but what does it even mean?

It's defined as "a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole."

Some traits involved are:

• Violence

• Aggression

• Dominance

• Promiscuity

• Non-emotion

We can all think of someone who embodies a few of these.

While people with these traits exist, I'm going to spoil it right now. Toxic masculinity isn't real. 

I've spent time at all points of the male spectrum in my life.

From not knowing what masculinity was to believing that being a man was detrimental to those around me.

But over the course of the past year, I've been able to discover what masculinity should be and what it isn't.

Let me tell ya, society has it wrong. 

The toxic masculinity counter

If you had (or have) a son, who is someone on social media you'd want them to look up to?

I'll give you some time.

Anyone?

Yeah, probably not.

There are no quality role models for boys and young men to look to when they need guidance on how to embody a real man.

We're shown Andrew Tate, Sneako, and other questionable figures preaching that you need to show no emotion and get rich instead.

But their extremism isn't masculinity - it's them being shitty humans.

Not only is it harmful to developing boys, but the avatar I describe below grabs far less attention than someone like Tate.

Lying, manipulating, cheating, and domination aren't real traits of the masculine energy, but they're very prominent in the modern male.

This is where people confuse masculinity as bad since most males don't embody its true form.

Masculinity, at its core, is divine and pure. The apples have just fallen very far from the trees.

A generation of assholes has brainwashed young boys and men that masculinity is about dominance, control, and sexual conquests.

The harm isn't in masculinity itself.

It's the people preaching that masculinity is these harmful things.

What masculinity really is

This may go against everything you know, but true masculinity is loving.

His metaphors are a little funny to me, but here's an insightful quote from The Way of The Superior Man by Dave Deida:

The masculine energy is strong, and a man with a deep sense of purpose is unstoppable.

Strong energy is difficult to keep under wraps. Yet someone who lives true masculinity always knows how to work with it and channel it into something productive.

So men feel such a drive to work on things they're passionate about. Purpose is the ultimate channel for the masculine energy.

Let me set something straight.

Being a high-value man has nothing to do with money, status, or achievements.

It has everything to do with leading from love, being accountable for your words and actions, and doing the inner work to become a light.

How to move forward

Ideally, two things happen.

1. We stop worshipping the loudest person in the room

2. Men become accountable for their emotions

I'm going to use Tate as an example again because that's who we've rolled with so far.

Believe it or not, Andrew Tate has some good things to say.

He preaches discipline and dedication.

Two things that might make someone think, "Huh, maybe he has his head on straight?"

Suddenly, him dropping, "women are meant to be controlled" seems a little more sane since you know he's not fully crazy.

Keep in mind how malleable a 16- to 17-year-old is, because this is exactly how the problem starts.

These basic beliefs lure young people in, then led down the pipeline of progressively worse ideas. It's an intentional process.

They gain people's ears because they're louder than everyone else. I mean, how many pieces of Tate content did you see when he was most popular?

The quiet ones usually, but not always, have deeper wisdom. But they're the first to be drowned out by anyone who speaks up.

The second point would most likely end 90% of the world's problems.

Most men have the emotional intelligence of a grape, and you couldn't convince me otherwise.

This is a problem for, well... obvious reasons.

We're living in a new era. One where acting on our survival emotions is more harmful than helpful.

Most of us aren't chased by tigers, but we might feel chased by our partners' words.

We don't have the threat of hunger, yet our ego is threatened.

Acting in response to a perceived threat (one that will not kill you) is extremely dangerous to society. These are the times when harm is likely to be done to others.

The further I've gone on the masculine journey, the more I've realized that even most men improving themselves don't want to check their emotions.

They want to analyze and explain with logic. But the massive problem is that we are not logical beings - we're emotional beings.

Hindsight doesn't matter unless you're aware enough to decipher how you're feeling in that moment the next go around.

If you want to become an effective human (man or woman), understanding your emotions is the place to start.

I’ve probably pissed a few people off during the course of that, but that’s okay.

My only goal is to broaden some thoughts just as mine have in the past year.

Until next time, with love,

Noah