The 3 Pillars of Happiness

I'm going to say something that most people probably aren't going to like.

Most diagnoses for depression are bogus.

90% of people who take medication for depression don't need to.

Hot take.

How do I know?

I used to be one of them.

I had diagnoses of depression and bipolar.

Looking back, I don't believe that either of those were correct.

But I identified with and clung to them (which most likely made my condition worse).

We blame it on chemistry and circuitry, but most of the time it's simply our systems for thinking.

It's not easy to be human.

It's not hard to look at the news and feel all hope leave your body.

Some of it is directly intended to suppress us and our potential, no doubt.

But

We don't have the tools to realize we have control over how we react to the external world.

Outside influences

How many people do you know who let the smallest inconvenience ruin their day?

Probably more than a few.

Being at the whim of the world is exhausting.

Without fail, every day will be full of messed-up plans and minor nuisances.

Not only do we look outside for stability, we also look for it to soothe us.

Bored? Grab your phone.

Lonely? Call a friend.

Sad? Do some retail therapy.

These treat the symptoms, not the cause.

Whenever we're done doing what we're doing, those same feelings are going to come right back.

No one can be happy if their happiness is dependent on the world around them.

Should we be happy all the time?

You don't need to be happy all the time.

But I think that you should feel good more than two-thirds of the time.

I use the rule of thirds a lot in my life.

Here's how:

You should feel good a third of the time, decent a third of the time, and bad a third of the time.

Some days you're going to feel amazing, and some days you're going to feel awful.

I use it to evaluate if I'm going to have to work harder on managing my emotions and outlook that day or time.

After all, a tough day isn't an excuse to be an asshole.

Biology does play a part in this.

Maybe you didn't get a good night's sleep. By default, you're going to be working at a disadvantage.

A bad night of sleep isn't a reason to not be somewhat pleasant. It makes it a lot harder, but it's still not a reason.

You're going to have to do a bit more work to pull yourself back up to baseline, and that's okay.

But if you're having to close the gap more than 1-2 times a week, something is not working in the system and needs to change.

There are many things that can make you lose sight of the three pillars that I describe below.

Knowing where you're at each day cements your place in the driver's seat and keeps your eyes on those pillars.

The 3 pillars of happiness

Whether some believe it or not, these are three skills/character traits that you can cultivate to lead yourself to happiness.

Feel for any resistance you might have as you read through these.

Where you feel the resistance is most likely where you'll need the most work.

Don't let your ego get in the way.

Let's dive in.

Agency

Having agency takes you from being an NPC to a functioning being.

It is as simple as being in complete ownership of your decisions, actions, and energy.

Those who have agency don't blame other people when things go wrong.

They know that their internal state projects into the external world.

They are in control of everything they need to be and are unconcerned with the rest.

Highly agent people are even more efficient with their energy.

Energy is easy to let slip into a world that sucks at your aura every chance it gets.

To have agency, you must have boundaries and stick to them.

Accepting responsibility for all that you do adds a layer of pride to your life.

It screams, "I'm awake, and I have the utmost respect for myself."

Own your actions and decisions, and you'll find out that you too own your happiness.

Gratitude

This one should be self-explanatory (please go do some research if it's not).

Unlike the other two, you will be able to feel gratitude.

It's the baseline of the feeling of happiness.

Gratitude comes naturally to most of us, but it can be nurtured to the next level.

And it should be leveled up and maxed out.

It's not easy to be grateful for everything and everyone that comes and goes during a day - some of it might not have been pleasant.

But there are things to be grateful for even in the "bad."

For example, your bus was late, but since it was late, you avoided getting into a massive crash.

Would that be a net positive or net negative situation?

Our first thought is how things impact us in this moment.

We don't even think that it could be a domino in a chain of events.

Even the "negative" situations in the day-to-day are usually catalysts for something bigger.

A.k.a. something to be grateful for.

People who have developed their gratitude see this and find the good side in every situation.

It's hard not to be a happy person when you're always seeing the positive in life.

Salience

No matter who you are, your brain will bring up some dark, self-depricating thoughts.

That's just nature - we're programmed to see the bad.

If you don't already know, you are not your thoughts.

You are not your brain.

Your brain is not your master, but your tool. You don't have to listen to it all the time.

Most of us are rational enough to realize that the dark thoughts aren't helpful.

Even then, we allow them to dictate how our day goes.

They can't be allowed to have that much power.

And whether you want to accept it or not, you choose to give them that power.

What we resist will keep coming back - possibly to haunt us.

Trying to reject a thought will only make it want more space in your bandwidth.

We need to learn how to live side by side with the darkness and acknowledge that it exists but does not control us.

A powerful way that I've come to deal with dark thoughts is by bringing them into the physical realm.

I'll either speak the thought out loud, ask out loud "is this thought helpful?", or call out "thought!"

Thoughts have much more control when they exist solely in our brains.

When we bring them into the physical world, they don't nearly hold as much power.

What I find is a laugh because the heavy thoughts sound pretty dumb out loud.

To be happy, you need to gain some level of control over your thoughts and know what to do when things slip out of your reigns.

I hope that these words give you what you need to start living a happier life.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy.

Until next time, with love,

Noah